Reason to Live

Survival mechanisms keep me awake
to see the intruder
before he sees me.

Until the sleep takes me away
or did I forget to breathe?

To continue the struggle, the fight to be,
being and breathing,
a reason to live.

Awake one day at a time. Precious
hours of light move across the sky,
until he's here again.

Stay awake, prove myself.
Hardly aware of the moving all around.
Another is there.
When it's fight o rflight, do I really have a say?
I try to give in and close my eyes,
"Please, take me away".

He laughs as my heart races,
"wake up, you stupid bastard".
Mind sparks,
movement starts,
moving parts,
alive and well.
I wish for death to take me from this Hell.
Without reason, I
continue to live.

Where are the others?
Where are the places?
What can I do?
I have no basis.

People yet please?
Places yet seen?
Things yet done?
Are these reason enough?

To be my own man
is to seal my own fate.
Take Death in my hands
and make Him explain.

Lay it all out,
walk me through it.
Step
by
step,
with the end of all things.
Court me,
win me,
show me the way.

52 cards
can't hold forever.
Take one away
they all fall together.
52 weeks
and no change of whether
or not I
can hold to this tether.

Touch loses warmth,

comb without sweetness,

savor is lost.

Grey,

the taste of hollow.

The orchestra has give up its instruments.
Colors blend then fade.
The lines that separate constantly change.
I can't
settle,
rest,
find calm.

The weight I carry is stolen.
The thief believes he's the savior.

I can't let you hold this -
the burden of sorrow.
I fear of losing today
so I take from tomorrow.

A debt I can never repay.
So, I pay everyday:

My reason to live.